ACOA

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Children growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family find themselves as adults strongly impacted by the dynamics and stresses of that family. Whichever roles they adopted as children, this has lead them to have "gaps" or psychological voids which have resulted from inconsistent parenting and lack of appropriate and emotional support. These voids are integrated into the child's social development and create major problems in adulthood. Not only will these gaps create living problems but they may result in the predisposition of the children to marry and/or become alcoholics themselves. These gaps and voids are those which most often predispose children to experience emotional problems.

As adults, certain "symptoms" are often exhibited which the adult child is not even aware of. Adult children of alcoholics:

guess at what "normal" behavior is.
have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
judge themselves without mercy.
have difficulty having fun, or relaxing.
take themselves very seriously, and have difficulty allowing their needs to be met.
have difficulty with intimate relationships.
overact to changes over which they have no control.
constantly seek approval and affirmation.
usually feel that they are different from other people.
are super-responsible or super-irresponsible, have difficulty relying on others, and do not know how to follow - or do not know how to lead.
are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsiveness leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend a excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

When growing up, children of alcoholics learned the basic tenets of survival in their family: DON'T TALK, DON'T TRUST, DON'T FEEL. As adults, they will consistently experience problems unless they are willing to make changes in their lives. By making changes in their lives, they can break the cycle of destruction caused by alcoholism or dysfunction so that their children will not have to experience the same problems and pain. Among the suggested steps to break this cycle include:

Become involved in Alanon and/or Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meetings, and in individual therapy with a counselor.
Develop support systems by making those close to you aware of your decision to seek counseling.
Learn how to ask for help.
Recognize that you have the right to talk about these issues and you have the right to feel.
If you have children, learn about child development and take a course on parent-effectiveness to learn the skills for relating to your children that you probably did not learn growing up.